i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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