if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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