I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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