I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
