So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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