He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dignity is for republicans.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
