the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
