I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
