"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
