i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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