she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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