During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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