I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
