if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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