i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
