so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
