just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
