dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
