please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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