I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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