i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
