planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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