Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
