That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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