remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
