I hate your face
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
