he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize