And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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