they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The best revenge is premature balding
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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