I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
