best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
