His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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