I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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