rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
