You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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