Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
