The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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