That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
