Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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