Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
