I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
