You really coming over, don't trick.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
