I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
