He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
