too bad you live with your parents still
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
