You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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