Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
