At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
