Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize