I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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