I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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