I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
