sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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