Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
