dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I love having hate sex.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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