I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
