The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you didnt know i had herpes?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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