just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
