Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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