y did u give ur computer a hand job?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize