He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
