you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
