Can i not drive my cunt home
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
