I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
