dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
